This is not a new topic but it's a topic that I felt I needed to write about. My viewpoint isn't new or different, there are thousands of other people that feel the way that I do. These are my words, thoughts and opinions. Some may agree, some may hate it. But it's my truth.
What is it going to take for parents to realise how important it is to be involved in their children’s lives. I’m not talking about unhealthy parents. Parents who are actively addicted to drugs or alcohol. Parents who are abusive or mentally ill and not being treated, in some form. We know and if you didn't know, now you do, that it’s not healthy or safe for children to be raised by parents who are addicted or not mentally stable. We also know that parents in these situations are raising children everyday. Another tale for another day.
For those who are not any of the above. What the hell is the matter with you? Whether your kids are planned or not you made the commitment to your partner and to your children to be parents. So do it.
Just because the relationship didn't work out, does not give you an excuse to leave your child’s life.
It certainly doesn't give you the right to start a new family and forget about the former.
Waiting until the child is grown up and then hoping that they come to you is not acceptable. Do you realise, that by then it’s probably too late? Your not going to all of a sudden become best friends. There may be some type of relationship there, but it’s not the same as if you were an active part of their life growing up.
Your getting older and so are they. Why wait for tomorrow. It could be too late. You, the parent could drop dead. Your kid could get in an accident and die before you.
Blaming your bad relationship with your ex is not an excuse. Again, you chose them in the first place. If it was a one night stand, you still had the choice. If you didn't want the responsibility of parenthood you should have given up your parental rights.
Why were/are you not fighting to stay involved in your kids life? What happened in your life where you feel that it’s okay to walk away? Or do you just not care? I'm really interested to know, what goes on in the heads of parents who walk away.
Is it easy, to stay active in your child’s life if you don’t live in the same household as them? Of course not but it has to be done. Nothing in this world worth fighting for comes easily.
Moving across the country or the world is not a good idea. Whether you have custody or not. Both parties should stay within a reasonable distance of each other, to make it easier to see their children. Some might say, "Well I have to go where the jobs are." Well, I guess you should have thought about that before you had kids. Sometimes we have to stay in crappy jobs for the sake of our kids. Life is crappy, suck it up. (I may seem harsh to some, but think of how your kid feels when it's 8:15 pm and you were supposed to pick them up since 3 pm. No phone call to say your running late, you just don't show up. Over and over again for years).
- Don’t be upset when your kids lose faith in you because you continue to not show up for promised visits.
- Don’t be upset when your kids don’t call you mom, dad or any variation. You have to earn that.
- Don’t talk bad to your child about their other parent. They will learn soon enough, what kind of person they are by their actions or in-actions.
- Don’t assume that your ex is talking bad about you to the kids. Yes, a lot of parents do this. Shame on them. But a lot don’t, mine didn't.
Options, if you can’t see your kids.
- Skype, or something close to it. You may or may not have to pay for Internet connection. If you don’t have a computer or Internet, ask a friend or relative to use theirs. I don’t know too many mentally healthy people who don’t want you to keep in touch with your kids.
- Good old-fashioned letters or postcards.
- Email. Again, if you don’t have your own computer, you can ask a friend or go to your local library.
Don’t forget their birthdays. That’s pretty sad. You were there when they were born, but you can’t even send them a card because you forgot the day.
Till next time,