I had to write about this because it made me angry and sad. It brought up a lot of emotions. The video is about a father and his choice of discipline for his son who was on day 2 of acting like the class clown.
If your inclined to stop and watch the actual video from worldstarhiphop.com before continuing on with my post.
Brought to my attention by The Skorpion Show, click the link to watch their opinion.
(All the people used in examples gave me permission to share their story.)
From the beginning of the video my heart dropped, I couldn't catch my breath for a second. Then to hear the actual beating, I broke down. I didn't expect that reaction. I'm not a crier. I tend to not get emotional about a lot of things. This made me sick to my stomach. Not only the way he "disciplined" his son but the fact that he video taped a good portion of it and put it out out on the WWW. The thought that was going through my mind was pure humiliation. Humiliation can breed hatred and when that buries itself in your gut, it can be very hard to let go of.
Everyone will discipline their children in a different way.
Do I wish I could change that? Yes, I personally don't agree with corporal punishment.
Are people going to stop disciplining their children by spanking/beating? Unfortunately no.
If you were to beat an adult like you do a child you would be in jail. Proponents of corporal punishment say if you beat a child it's discipline. I have yet to hear a good explanation for that one. If you've got one share it with me.
"I got beat/spanked and I turned out fine". My response to that stale comment? When you know better you do better. A lot of old things are good. They continue on because there have been positive results. They also continue because we don't know what else to do.
I come from a family who beat their children as a form of punishment. I don't mean spank I mean beat the s**t out of their kids. My mom, her brothers and sister's all got beat. They in turn all beat their kids. My mom didn't beat/spank my sister and I. My cousins as far as I'm concerned were not so lucky. I should probably amend that statement a little. My mom didn't beat us. Our step-dad did even though he was working away from home 9-10 months out of the year. Not often but the few times he did, we both remember the reason and the beating. I think I was about 15 when I finally said don't hit me (or something to that effect). He never did again but by than I was his exact height. I wasn't a bad or disrespectful kid things just weren't done to his liking or standard. As an adult I can see and know with clear eyes that it was not deserved.
A lot of beatings aren't worth it as far as I'm concerned. For example, my older sister got her first paycheck from her first real job and wanted to treat us to pizza. Less than $15 for one of those 2 for 1 deals. It was a Friday night and our mom was working a late shift, step-dad was out. He comes home, finds pizza boxes and starts yelling and screaming at my sister and proceeds with hitting her. His explanation, she was wasting all of her money. She was 16 and had to pay for her own driver's license she was not going to waste her money because she wanted to get on the road as soon as possible. That was completely irrational but he was another story. God forbid you sit down with your child and have a conversation about the expectations you have in regards to them spending and saving their paycheck.
Spanking your kids because they got a bad grade. I've never understood that one either. You got one bad grade for the first time in 3 years, so you get a beating? Why? Maybe they didn't study enough. Of course you want them to do well. Beating to get good grades is wrong, in my opinion.
- Maybe they didn't get enough sleep for a number of reasons.
- Maybe their stressed about something that's going on in the home or at school.
- Maybe they just are not A students.
When my mom was seventeen she got a birthday card from a boy, via the mail. Her dad opened it and beat her senseless. Damaged a joint in her hand which still bothers her to this day. When her mom got home and asked what was wrong with her, my grandfather explained the situation. My granny's response (loved her and miss her like anything but she was a little beat-happy). "Why didn't you wait until I got home we could have beaten her together". No joke or exaggeration. Now I know they were scared to death that their daughter was going to head down the teen pregnancy route and shame them (which she didn't. Had her 1st baby at 27) but damn that's excessive. If you taught your kid right from wrong and showed them a positive example things will usually turn out all right.
(I don't know the details of his custody agreement but here goes anyway.) Here's a thought to the dad in the video, why not be more of a participant in raising your own kid. He's probably craving your attention and time. Kids often act out because they don't know how else to reach the adults in their lives or the adults that they want/need in their life. When the kid is out of control granny sending them to dad for a beating isn't building the positive relationship that they need to help grow them into kind, responsible, law abiding men and women.
Have I been tempted to spank the kids in my care? Of course, they can get on your last nerve. It's a quick and easy solution. What stops me? They deserve the respect of not being abused because I the adult am tired, out of patience, or can't/don't want to bother to find out what's really going on. Put a full-time job, 2 or more kids and a ton of other responsibilities on top of life and I can see why corporal punishment is an easy solution. It still doesn't make it right.
Beating or not beating doesn't really work either way in my opinion. It's the other components that matter. Here are just a few.
- Time spent with your kid.
- The child having a good relationship with both parents, if that's possible.
- Having a healthy home environment.
I know people that were beat and they still turned out bad.
I know others who were beat and are upstanding citizens.
To beat or not to beat, that will always be the question.
Click here to see a short video Mommy Vs Mommy - Spanking or No Spanking on YouTube.
If I have kids will I spank them? I'll do my best not to. I'm human like the father in the video and know that I'm not perfect, therefore I may slip. Being a parent is a 24/7 job. That kind of commitment could make a saint slip. But I'll do my damnedest not punish my child in that manner.
Till next time,