Tag Archives: Parental Responsibility

4 Comments

This is a touchy subject but I'm going there. I have mixed feelings when it comes to this. Every family is different, every circumstance is different. There are so many circumstances that you can't fit it into one box, so I'm going to touch on a few scenario's.

I came across this article yesterday and I was more than a little disgusted by the nerve of this elderly woman living in BC. Basically she abandoned her her son at age 15 and the now grown son has not had a relationship with his mother in years. Now she wants support from all 3 children that she abandoned. British Columbia, Family Relations Act, states that children must by law take care of their parents. Thank goodness I love my mother and have no problem taking care of her if she is not able to in the future. For those that do not have a good relationship with their parent(s) you might want to leave BC. The law seems to be on the parents side no matter how badly they treated and/or neglected you.

This may sound mean but your parents chose to have you, they had a responsibility to you up until a certain age (varies by country, province etc.). You grow up, start your own family in whatever form that may be. You have your own financial and familial responsibilities to deal with. Is it your fault that your parents did not take proper care of their own future? Just a question that I feel the need to pose.

What I do not agree with is the blind faith that many people take. Just because you are a parent, this does not grant you automatic respect. Like anything else in life, respect must me earned. Like trust, love, honour etc. I know a lot of people are not going to agree with me but that's okay because this is my opinion.

Sure it would be nice if we could depend on parents/children in general to help when we need it, but that's just not the case. Sometimes people don't have the resources. Between mortgages; saving for retirement; raising your own children; saving for their schooling, it's just not possible in many cases.

If the family was dysfunctional to begin with and the parent/child relationship remains that way, what is the person supposed to do? Just continue to deal with the abuse until the parent dies? Sometimes we have to cut our losses and deal with the outcome. Personally, if you abused your children and they were smart enough to cut ties with you, you shouldn't expect any kind of support from them. Of course guilt or family obligation gets to people and they wouldn't let the parent flounder. Better people than I.

I know cultural plays a huge part in how people deal with these issues.

Some cultures expect you to take care of your parents no matter what. This includes the parents living with them and being financially responsible for them. Taking care of their every whim and need and not complaining once. It's your duty as a child to take care of your parents.

Then of course you have the people where every man is for themselves. If you can't deal than too bad. You took care of me for 16-18 years, then I'm on my own. Don't even ask for money to catch the bus. The parents had better have their retirement in order because the kids have their own life to deal with.

Harsh but I've seen both sides.

As I stated earlier every case is different and fraught with it's own issues. I don't know how I feel about the government getting involved in that kind of situation. At the same time I'm all for the government getting involved in preventing elder abuse. This includes, physical abuse, mental abuse, neglect, financial abuse (theft), trust. The neglect I can understand if the parent is living with you, therefore I assume that you would be concerned that they are eating, hygiene, socializing with you and the outside world, etc. This is a hard one but I felt the need to put my thoughts out there.

What are your thoughts on parental support? Should the government step in or should it be up to the individual?

Song of the Day:Calling All Angels - My Private Nation 'Calling All Angels' - Train, My Private Nation, 2003, Sony Music Entertainment Inc. Click here to watch the video of 'Calling All Angels'. (Links may not work in all countries, sorry for the inconvenience.)

Till next time,

Nadia

3 Comments

This is not a new topic but it's a topic that I felt I needed to write about. My viewpoint isn't new or different, there are thousands of other people that feel the way that I do. These are my words, thoughts and opinions. Some may agree, some may hate it. But it's my truth.

What is it going to take for parents to realise how important it is to be involved in their children’s lives. I’m not talking about unhealthy parents. Parents who are actively addicted to drugs or alcohol. Parents who are abusive or mentally ill and not being treated, in some form. We know and if you didn't know, now you do, that it’s not healthy or safe for children to be raised by parents who are addicted or not mentally stable. We also know that parents in these situations are raising children everyday. Another tale for another day.

For those who are not any of the above. What the hell is the matter with you? Whether your kids are planned or not you made the commitment to your partner and to your children to be parents. So do it.

Just because the relationship didn't work out, does not give you an excuse to leave your child’s life.

It certainly doesn't give you the right to start a new family and forget about the former.

Waiting until the child is grown up and then hoping that they come to you is not acceptable. Do you realise, that by then it’s probably too late? Your not going to all of a sudden become best friends. There may be some type of relationship there, but it’s not the same as if you were an active part of their life growing up.

Your getting older and so are they. Why wait for tomorrow. It could be too late. You, the parent could drop dead. Your kid could get in an accident and die before you.

Blaming your bad relationship with your ex is not an excuse. Again, you chose them in the first place. If it was a one night stand, you still had the choice. If you didn't want the responsibility of parenthood you should have given up your parental rights.

Why were/are you not fighting to stay involved in your kids life? What happened in your life where you feel that it’s okay to walk away? Or do you just not care? I'm really interested to know, what goes on in the heads of parents who walk away.

Is it easy, to stay active in your child’s life if you don’t live in the same household as them? Of course not but it has to be done. Nothing in this world worth fighting for comes easily.

Moving across the country or the world is not a good idea. Whether you have custody or not. Both parties should stay within a reasonable distance of each other, to make it easier to see their children. Some might say, "Well I have to go where the jobs are." Well, I guess you should have thought about that before you had kids.  Sometimes we have to stay in crappy jobs for the sake of our kids. Life is crappy, suck it up. (I may seem harsh to some, but think of how your kid feels when it's 8:15 pm and you were supposed to pick them up since 3 pm. No phone call to say your running late, you just don't show up. Over and over again for years).

  • Don’t be upset when your kids lose faith in you because you continue to not show up for promised visits.
  • Don’t be upset when your kids don’t call you mom, dad or any variation. You have to earn that.
  • Don’t talk bad to your child about their other parent. They will learn soon enough, what kind of person they are by their actions or in-actions.
  • Don’t assume that your ex is talking bad about you to the kids. Yes, a lot of parents do this. Shame on them. But a lot don’t, mine didn't.

Options, if you can’t see your kids.

  • Skype, or something close to it. You may or may not have to pay for Internet connection. If you don’t have a computer or Internet, ask a friend or relative to use theirs. I don’t know too many mentally healthy people who don’t want you to keep in touch with your kids.
  • Good old-fashioned letters or postcards.
  • Email. Again, if you don’t have your own computer, you can ask a friend or go to your local library.

Don’t forget their birthdays. That’s pretty sad. You were there when they were born, but you can’t even send them a card because you forgot the day.

Song of the Day: Fairytale - Little Voice 'Fairytale' Sara Bareilles, 2010, Little Voice

Till next time,

Nadia